Some Swans Don't Swim Read online

  Some Swans Don’t Swim:

  A Slayer's Reverse Harem Christmas Novella

  by

  Holly Ryan

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  About the Author

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  Chapter One

  While I studied the flex of Jacek’s ass as he moved in the kitchen, I hit refresh on my laptop for about the 1,025th time that day. It was Christmas Eve Eve, a day where people bustled about with cheeks stained red from excitement and cold, not approving my college readmission like I hoped they would, the bastards.

  “Slayer,” he said, popping a mug of blood into the microwave.

  “Mmmm?” I hit refresh again, taking notes in my head about the delicious curve underneath his black athletic pants as he bent over slightly. He was shirtless, thank god, the scars on his back rippling over his muscles like wind on grass.

  “Are you checking out my ass again?” he asked without looking.

  “I have to.” It was then I realized I had a dazed smile stuck to my face, and it widened. “Have you seen it?”

  He stuck it out and wiggled it, which made me snort-laugh.

  Sawyer, sitting next to me at the kitchen table, folded his hand over mine just as I was about to hit the refresh button again. His bronzed, tattooed skin made me look like I’d never stepped outside in my life. “Belle, take a break. Talk to me. Anything to distract you from wearing out your keyboard.”

  “Would you like to talk about how ready I am to start up classes again?” I said with a frown. “My body is ready for learning.”

  Eddie wandered into the kitchen right as I said that and then stopped, his orange-yellow eyes widening behind his black-framed glasses. “That’s the single hottest thing I’ve ever heard in my life, Sunshine.”

  I winked at him. “I aim to please. Besides, it’s the truth. Now that I finally know what I want to do with my life, I can’t wait to get started.”

  Eddie smiled. “You deserve every minute of it.”

  Sawyer leaned in and pressed a kiss to my temple, the power of it fluttering my eyes closed for a second. “And you have plenty of time.”

  He was right. I did. As the very literal vampire slayer, I wasn’t going anywhere, not for a long time, maybe even ever, and it made me so damn happy that my grin had become almost as permanent as Jacek’s, though it would never be as pretty.

  As if guessing my thoughts, Jacek turned his grin on me as he lifted his cup of steaming warm blood from the microwave. “What will you call your blood flavor shop once you get your business degree?”

  I opened my mouth to answer, but a knock sounded on the door. All four of us groaned loudly. We were pretty much done with the outside world these days, having seen too much of its horrors lately. The only two places I went anymore were the cemetery next door and the devil’s mansion, both low-key places where people didn’t knock on doors like a maniac.

  “Why?” Eddie asked no one in particular.

  “We can’t answer it.” Jacek rubbed the top of his head as if for luck. “Whenever we do, it’s bad news.”

  “Is it Book Delivery Day?” Sawyer asked Eddie.

  He shook his head. “The postman comes during the day.”

  “Could it be your dad?” Jacek asked me.

  I checked the clock on the wall. “We’re patrolling at the graveyard in like fifteen minutes, and he’s always late.” I sagged in my chair because whoever it was maybe knew the slayer lived here and needed help. “We could always just answer it.”

  My three vampires groaned.

  A brown fur ball chose that moment to fling herself down the stairs at top speed, slide across the wooden flooring in the living room, and crash into the front door with a wide grin splitting her sweet doggy face. Cleo knew exactly who it was, and given that she was panting like a skanky ho—a lovable one, of course—the rest of us figured it out pretty quickly.

  The devil, her boyfriend, or so she’d like to believe.

  “I’ll go see what he wants.” Sawyer rose from the table and crossed the kitchen to the living room, his fists clenched at his sides. Obviously, he wasn’t as big a fan of the devil’s as Cleo.

  I pushed to my feet and followed, as did my other two vampires, neither of their faces appearing particularly happy about our houseguest either. For me, it was a bit more complicated, especially since he’d given me the weapon to defeat one of my fiercest enemies and because he’d shown flashes of vulnerability. But yeah, he was still a prickly bastard too.

  Sawyer opened the door, and Cleo immediately bounded out onto the snowy porch and wrapped herself up between two strong columns of denim-clad legs. The devil’s black leather jacket hugged his wide shoulders, and the blinking red and green lights decorating the houses across the street shone over the snowflakes and caught in his blond hair.

  “Hey, girl.” The devil grinned as he reached down and scratched between Cleo’s ears, and she grinned right back. Then his bright sapphire gaze flicked up, skipped right past the three male vampires blocking the door, and connected to mine. “Belle.”

  “Luc.” Sawyer flexed the knuckles of his man paws, towering over everyone but the devil himself. “Why are you here, other than to ogle the slayer?”

  The devil scoffed. “Ogle. I only do that when she’s naked.”

  “Uh-huh.” I crossed my arms over my chest, cursing myself for not wearing a bra underneath my very thin Sylvester T-shirt. “You wish.”

  His smile dripped sex and sin. “Only every day, sweetheart.”

  My vampires’ bodies coiled tight, ready to spring, all of them growling low.

  “It’s been real, sweetheart.” Each word out of Jacek was as sharp as the god bone stuck through my bun. He started to close the door. “Go play with your pitchfork somewhere else.”

  “I’d rather play with Belle,” Luc said, stopping the door with his motorcycle boot, “but I’d settle for her help.”

  “It’s almost Christmas Eve,” Eddie reminded him, glaring through his glasses and mop of blond hair. “Surely even you are aware of that.”

  He nodded. “It’s why I need Belle’s help.”

  “Sorry,” I said, shrugging. “I’m the slayer in name only, remember? My days of dealing with big bads are long gone.”

  It was true. I’d given my slayer power to a plant. Ask me how normal my life is someday, and I will explain all the ways it definitely isn’t.

  The devil’s sapphires penetrated deep, as serious as I’d ever seen them. “Children are in danger, Belle.”

  Well, shit. He knew the magic words to put me right in that danger’s path, whatever it happened to be.

  “Let him in.” I backed away from the door as they did so and crossed the living room to sit on the couch.

  “Since when do you care about children?” Jacek asked Luc, closing the door behind him and Cleo.

  Luc stopped and stared him down, a sneer curling his mouth. “Since always.” He sliced his gaze to Eddie and pointed. “And before you come at me with another seraph knife, you know that’s true. I was trying to save your sister, just like I’m trying to save these kids tonight.”

  Yes, the topic of kids was a touchy one. The devil had put himself in charge of choosing the slayer, and he chose them as young as possible so they’d have a fighting chance to actually survive. He’d chosen Eddie’s sister, who hadn’t survived. He’d chosen me, and I had, for the most part. Which made me want to help these kids even more.

  “Let’s try not to lose focus.” I reached over the coffee table and threaded my fingers through
Eddie’s who was staring down the devil with a look that could kill. “The sooner you tell us what’s happening, the sooner I can help.”

  “And the sooner he can leave,” Eddie rumbled as he sat to the right of me and squeezed my hand.

  Sawyer took the spot on my left and settled his hand on my thigh while Jacek sat next to Eddie on the arm of the couch, leaning back so he could touch my shoulder. My three vamps loved to stake a claim over me by touching me, physically owning me, especially around Luc. Not that I minded.

  The devil had obviously had a reason to want to marry me—other than trying to help me—but hadn’t been thrilled by my firm, hell-to-the-no answer. A deal breaker for me that he didn’t like that answer—which was one my favorites—but even now as he looked upon the four of us, the tiniest glimpse of hurt broke through his tight-lipped smirk.

  He glanced away when he caught me looking. “I’d like nothing more than to leave.” He crossed to the chair in the corner opposite us, his long, muscular legs eating up the distance. Cleo flopped happily along after him. “Because it smells like vampire sex in here.”

  Jacek chuckled. “You’re sitting in one of our favorite spots.”

  The devil grimaced as he took his hands from the armrests and placed them on his thighs. “I’ll get right to the point. Have you ever heard of Krampus?”

  My three vampires stiffened.

  I’d only vaguely heard of it before but with no real context. I shook my head.

  “You mean the half goat, half demon who punishes children at Christmas?” Eddie asked.

  Cleo rested her chin on Luc’s knee and was making lovey eyes at him, and Luc booped her gently on the nose. “That’s the one.”

  “This sounds like a you problem, given that Krampus is a demon,” Sawyer said.

  “Which is why I’m trying to catch him,” Luc said and sighed. “He was captured once, long before I was forced to hell, so I don’t really know the particulars. But he escaped again they day before yesterday.”

  Sawyer frowned. “This is definitely a you problem, then.”

  “It’s important I catch him soon because he’s stepped up his game,” Luc said, ignoring him.

  “How so?” I asked.

  “Let’s just say that someone in my employ helped Krampus escape and made him rings. Seven of them. This someone is...no longer.” A dark, dangerous fire burned in the devil’s eyes. “Last night, Krampus kidnapped six kids. I’m sure there will be one more.”

  “That’s a dick move.” I hadn’t even met this Krampus yet, and already I wanted to grab him by the balls until he sang soprano.

  Eddie sat back next to me, a worried pinch between his eyes. “Seven rings. That can’t be a coincidence.”

  “But to what end?” Sawyer asked. “What are the seven rings and not-quite seven children for?”

  Luc shrugged. “It’s hard to say. He’s a slippery bastard, and I can’t find him or the children.”

  “What makes you think I can?” I asked.

  Sawyer looked at me and frowned.

  Luc gave me a look like his point had flown over my head by a mile. “You killed a god, Belle.”

  “Oh, yeah. I did, didn’t I.” I tapped my fingers over the god bone speared through the bun on top of my head, the weapon I’d done it with. “So how would I kill Krampus?”

  Cleo nudged the devil’s fingers for more ear scratches, and he obliged. “You don’t. I need him alive so I can send him back to hell.”

  “Well, that’s highly irregular for me.” Actually, that was a lie. I’d recently started wrangling up vampires—just the newborn, dangerous ones—with a rope like a cowgirl version of a slayer. It had taken some retraining, but it made a hell of a lot more sense than staking one of my own kind. But vampires were different. This was Krampus. Whoever Krampus was. “I’m going to need to know thy enemy before I go guns a’blazing anyway. With gentle, sweet, non-killing guns, of course.”

  Eddie’s lips twitched. “I have books about thine enemies.”

  “Of course you have books.” I twined my arm with his and pulled him a little closer.

  “I would leave gentle and sweet out of this. Krampus is no joke,” Luc said. “So, you’ll help?”

  I nodded. “I can probably catch a goat demon. Sure.” It wasn’t like I could say no to helping kidnapped children.

  “Great.” Luc slapped his thighs and stood. “Pack a bag. We can leave tonight.”

  My eyes widened. “What? Tonight? Where are we going?”

  Luc headed toward the door. “Krampus is in Wyoming.”

  A burst of excitement lit up like Christmas lights in my chest. When I’d been the official slayer, I hadn’t been able to leave Podunk City. Like, ever.

  Sawyer leaned forward and pierced Luc with a look that screamed he wanted to snap his neck like a toothpick. “You’re taking Belle to Wyoming, and you actually think we’re not coming too?”

  “I don’t know.” Luc lifted his hands. “Are you?”

  “Yes,” my vamps said in unison.

  I grinned. “Damn right, you are.”

  Cleo barked on her way toward her boyfriend.

  “Yes, and Cleo, too, you little slut,” I said.

  She sat and grinned up at the devil, completely ignoring me.

  “Well, if you’re all coming, now might be a good time to mention that Krampus is quite fond of vampires.” Luc eyed all of us in turn. “To eat.”

  “Oh. Nice,” I said.

  “Maybe you should have mentioned that first thing,” Sawyer rumbled.

  I sighed and shook my head. So, it looked like I wasn’t done with big bads after all. Would I ever be? I seriously hated to consider the answer.

  Once we were packed and I explained to my dad what we were doing, it took us roughly two minutes to get to Wyoming with the use of Night’s Fall, my handy bird-sword. For the first time in forever, after the sword spit us out to our desired location, I stuck my landing like a badass. I was so focused on giving myself high-fives and fist-pumping the air, that I didn’t realize everyone was staring at me. Even Cleo.

  I grinned, my fist frozen in the air. “I didn’t land on my a-ah!”

  The ground went out from underneath me, as it tended to do sometimes, but four pairs of arms and a wet nose were there to catch me. Still, though, my boots skated, desperate to find traction. When I glanced down, I realized why. The street we stood on looked as if it had about three inches of solid ice on it. No snow. Just ice.

  “This is what I call winter,” I said.

  Jacek laughed. “We don’t usually get this much of it.”

  Damn, he was right. Ice hung from the tree branches all down the residential street, making them sag toward each other so they formed a sort of overhead dome. It gripped the outdoor Christmas lights on the houses in frozen fists and dripped massive icicles around every rooftop. It was eerily breathtaking compared to Podunk City’s one inch of snow, exactly like what I imagined a winter wonderland would be.

  “Wow,” I breathed.

  “Agreed,” Sawyer said, smiling at me. “But I don’t know what’s more stunning—the view or your reaction to it.”

  I shrugged. “I don’t get out much.”

  Jacek nudged my shoulder. “We can fix that, you know.”

  Eddie nodded and swept his wild blond hair off his face from a sharp gust of wind. He carried the single book he had on Krampus with him, an old, worn book with loose pages. “Say the word and we can travel anywhere.”

  Because now I could. I didn’t think I’d ever felt so free in my entire life.

  “There’s that reaction again.” Sawyer switched the bag with all our clothes and supplies in it so he could wrap me close and kiss my forehead.

  “Stunning,” Jacek said, taking my hand.

  Somewhere in the distance, jingle bells sounded. A lot of them, like those on a sleigh.

  Luc must’ve read the direction of my thoughts because he said, “I hate to burst your bubble, but that’s Krampus. San
ta doesn’t come until tomorrow.”

  “What?” My jaw dropped to the icy ground and bounced. I shook my head, waiting for what he’d just said to stop rattling around and fit somewhere that made sense. “Sorry, what?”

  “You know...Santa?” Luc dipped his chin and gave me a look. “You didn’t know.”

  “No. I didn’t know.” There had always been presents under the tree from Santa, but I’d just assumed they were from Mom. I thought I was too smart for all that. Turned out I was wrong.

  “Another news flash for you.” All of Luc’s leather creaked as he strode closer, all grace on the slippery ice. “Krampus is Santa’s evil brother.”

  “What?” Apparently that was the extent of my vocabulary tonight. If the devil would stop dropping truth bombs on me, that would really help.

  A car alarm sounded farther up the street and then ended abruptly with a great crash.

  Cleo’s brown fur along her back bristled, and she growled low.

  “Look alive.” The devil glanced at me. “Or dead. That’s him coming.”

  I snapped my gaze back down the street. “Already? I don’t know the first thing about stopping him.”

  Eddie cracked open his Krampus book. “I’m looking, Sunshine.” He shot a glare at Luc. “We didn’t have a whole lot of time to prepare.”

  “No, wait.” I held out my arm in front of my vamps as if to block them from the coming demon goat. “You guys need to go somewhere safe and let me handle this.”

  “There’s an empty house right there.” Luc pointed at a cozy-looking two-story to our right that was decorated with white twinkling lights. “They went to Florida for the holiday.”

  I nodded. “You guys go. Eddie, if you learn how to catch Krampus, call me. Oh, and take Night’s Fall with you? Bird-swords don’t fight demons. So says me.”

  Jacek took the sword from me while he admired the blade. “You heard the lady. No demons for you. But maybe a tiny corner of Eddie?”

  Eddie smacked him in the shoulder, still reading his Krampus book.

  Sawyer took my arm and squeezed, his amber eyes filled with worry. “Are you sure about this, Belle?”

  “As long as I know you guys aren’t Krampus food, I totally got this.” Of course I left off the part that I was vampire meat too. Didn’t matter. The food chain would be back in tip-top shape when I caught the beast. “And you, too, Cleo. Get inside.”